VAWA self-petition — am I eligible?

He's wrong, and you have a path. VAWA self-petitioning lets the spouse, child, or parent of an abusive USC or LPR file an I-360 WITHOUT the abuser's knowledge or participation. The evidence is your sworn declaration + corroborating evidence (police reports, medical records, photos, witness declarations, restraining orders if any — but you don't need to have ever called the police). Once the I-360 is approved you have a path to a green card without his involvement. The application is confidential — USCIS will not notify him, will not put your address in any document he can access. Most major cities have free or low-cost VAWA-specific legal-aid programs. CHIRLA, ASISTA, and Tahirih are the national leaders here. Tôi nói tiếng Việt và español si necesitas hablar otro idioma.

From the family-law side — you can also pursue a CA DVRO at the same time as the VAWA petition. The two cases reinforce each other. A DV-finding order is helpful (though not required) evidence in a VAWA self-petition. Many DV legal-aid clinics file both for the same client.