How do I find a DV shelter without him knowing?
I need to leave. He monitors my phone and computer. How do I research shelters safely?
Please readThis is a community space for sharing personal experience — it is not legal advice, and posts here are not from Lawma or your attorney. We strongly encourage you to post under an anonymous handle, keep questions general, and avoid posting private details of your active case. For advice about your own situation, message your attorney.
I need to leave. He monitors my phone and computer. How do I research shelters safely?
✓ Verified answer from a licensed attorney — shown first
Adding — if you're in CA, county-specific shelters can be located via cdph.ca.gov or your county's Family Justice Center. Don't worry about identifying the 'best' shelter — the right one is whichever has a bed today.
Three safer options: (1) Call the National DV Hotline from a friend's phone or a library phone: 1-800-799-7233. (2) Text START to 88788 (the text version of the same hotline) from a phone or device he doesn't have access to. (3) Walk into any hospital ER or police station and ask for a 'DV advocate' — they will connect you to local shelters confidentially. Local public libraries also have private computers and staff who are trained to help. If you suspect device monitoring, use one of these channels rather than searching from your usual phone or computer.
Share what helped you. Be kind — and remember this is your experience, not legal advice.
Please readThis is a community space for sharing personal experience — it is not legal advice, and posts here are not from Lawma or your attorney. We strongly encourage you to post under an anonymous handle, keep questions general, and avoid posting private details of your active case. For advice about your own situation, message your attorney.