What is a 'recommending counselor' and should I be worried?
Our county does 'recommending mediation' — the counselor writes a recommendation to the judge if we don't agree. Is that the norm?
Please readThis is a community space for sharing personal experience — it is not legal advice, and posts here are not from Lawma or your attorney. We strongly encourage you to post under an anonymous handle, keep questions general, and avoid posting private details of your active case. For advice about your own situation, message your attorney.
Our county does 'recommending mediation' — the counselor writes a recommendation to the judge if we don't agree. Is that the norm?
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California counties split on this. 'Non-recommending' counties (like LA, SF, Alameda) have the counselor try to broker an agreement; if no agreement, the case goes to the judge with no recommendation. 'Recommending' counties (like Orange, San Diego, Riverside) have the counselor send a written recommendation to the judge that strongly influences the outcome. Treat a recommending interview with the same prep you'd bring to a court hearing: be on time, be calm, focus on the child's needs not the other parent's faults, and bring a concrete proposed schedule. The counselors see a lot of badmouthing — the parents who don't do it stand out.
Around the case
Other things people in your situation usually need to handle. Some are paid partners; some are free community resources — labeled clearly.
Court Self-Help Center
Free signature + form witness · Free
Most US counties have a free Court Self-Help Center (or Family Law Facilitator's Office). They review papers, witness signatures, and explain procedure. No appointment usually required.
Find your nearest SHC →Sesame Workshop — Divorce toolkit
Talking-to-kids resources · Free
Free professional toolkit for explaining family changes to young kids — videos, conversation starters, printable activity sheets.
Browse the toolkit →Swift Serve
Process server · $90–$120 typical
Same-day service on family-court papers. Flat fee, transparent pricing, certified Proof of Service delivered back.
Get a quote →Share what helped you. Be kind — and remember this is your experience, not legal advice.
Please readThis is a community space for sharing personal experience — it is not legal advice, and posts here are not from Lawma or your attorney. We strongly encourage you to post under an anonymous handle, keep questions general, and avoid posting private details of your active case. For advice about your own situation, message your attorney.